Best Photos of 2008

PUT YOUR CAR KEYS BESIDE YOUR BED AT NIGHT.

Put your car keys beside your bed at night. If you hear a noise outside  your home or someone trying to get in your house, just press the panic button for your car. The alarm will be set off, and the horn will continue to sound until either you turn it off or the car battery dies.

This tip came from a neighborhood watch coordinator. Next time you come home for the night and you start to put your keys away, think of this:

It’s a security alarm system that you probably already have and requires no installation. Test it. It will go off from most everywhere inside your house and will keep honking until your battery runs down or until you reset it with the button on the key fob chain. It works if you park in your driveway or garage If your car alarm goes off when someone is trying to break into your house, odds are the burglar rapist won’t stick around… After a few seconds all the neighbors will be looking out their windows to see who is out there and sure enough the criminal won’t want that. And remember to carry your keys while walking to your car in a parking lot. The alarm can work the same way there ….. This is something that should really be shared with everyone.  Maybe it could save a life or a sexual abuse crime.

P.S. I am sending this to everyone I know because I think it is fantastic. Would also be useful for any emergency, such as a heart attack, where you can’t reach a phone. My Mom has suggested to my Dad that he carry his car keys with him in case he falls outside and she doesn’t hear him.  He can activate the car alarm and then she’ll know there’s a problem.

Think before you speak… Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak - The last one is great! Have you ever spoken and wished that you could Immediately take the words back… Or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did….

FIRST TESTIMONY: I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow And asked loudly, ‘How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?’ I turned around and walked back out and never went back My husband didn’t say a word… He knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY: I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women’s type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, ‘I think I like playing with mens balls’

THIRD TESTIMONY: My sister and I were at the mall and Passed by a store that sold a Variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, The boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, ‘No, I’m just looking at your nuts.’ My sister started to laugh hysterically The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, My sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY : While in line at the bank one afternoon, My toddler decided to release Some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of Her after receiving looks of disgust And annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving ‘right now’ she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, ‘If you don’t let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you Kissing Daddy’s pee-pee last night!’ The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and Walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY: Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, So of course I checked My seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. The realized that Danny Had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, And he said ‘No’ I kept thinking ‘Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don’t have any clothes with me..’ Then I said, ‘Danny, are you SURE you didn’t have an accident?’ ‘No,’ he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, ‘Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, Bent over, spread his cheeks And yelled ‘SEE MOM, IT’S JUST FARTS!!’ While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better, Thanking me for the best laugh they’d ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY: This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days And a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, In the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don’t get any! We had a female news anchor that, The day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn’t, Turned to the weatherman and asked: ‘So Bob, where’s that 8 inches you promised me last night?’ Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

Here is what I am against and in favor of: I’m against the $85 BILLION bailout of AIG. Instead, I’m in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in a “We Deserve It” dividend. To make the math simple, let’s assume there are 200,000,000 bona fide U.S. citizens, aged 18+. Our population is about 301 million counting every man, woman and child. So, 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up. Now, divide 200 million, 18+ adults into $85 billon - that equals $425,000.00 each! Yes, my plan is to give that $425,000 to every adult as a “We Deserve It” dividend. Of course, it would NOT be tax free. So, let’s assume a tax rate of 30%. Everyone would pay $127,500.00 in taxes. That sends $25.5 billion right back to Uncle Sam! It also means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket. A husband and wife would have $595,000.00! What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00? · Pay off your mortgage – housing crisis solved · Repay college loans – what a great boost to new grads · Put away money for college – it’ll really be there · Save in a bank – create money to loan to entrepreneurs · Buy a new car – create jobs · Invest in the market – capital drives growth · Pay for your parent’s medical insurance – health care improves · Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean – or else. Remember this is for every adult U.S. citizen, 18 and older (including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehmann Brothers and every other company that is cutting back) and of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces. If we’re going to re-distribute wealth let’s really do it! Instead of trickling out a puny $1,000.00 (“Republican vote buy”) economic incentive. If we’re going to do an $85 billion bailout, let’s bail out every adult U.S. citizen!! As for AIG – liquidate it. · Sell off its parts. · Let American General go back to being American General. · Sell off the real estate. · Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up. We deserve the money and AIG doesn’t. Sure it’s a crazy idea, but can you imagine the coast-to-coast block party?! How do you spell Economic Boom? W-e D-e-s-e-r-v-e I-t d-i-v-i-d-e-n-d! I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion “We Deserve It” dividend more than I do the geniuses at AIG or in Washington, D.C.. And remember, The Birk plan only really costs $59.5 billion because $25.5 billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam. Ahhh…I feel so much better getting that off my chest. Kindest personal regards, Birk (T. J. Birkenmeier, A Creative Guy & Citizen of the Republic)